Dreaming of you
by SilverRite
Summary: Dreaming of you in a world without you. Sometimes, I wish dreams could come true.


**Authors note:** I have no beta, so there's most likely tons of mistakes.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

Its eleven forty five.

Its fifteen minutes until midnight and I cant help but feel this will be the last night I'll spend with you.

I just got off the phone with him. He says he'll be here in the next ten minutes. I don't want to see him, I didn't even want to waste five minutes to walk out here and talk to him. I did it for you though.

I'm standing in the rain. Its comforting though. Its like nature is crying for me, since I wont let myself. Time seems so important now, I can feel the seconds wasting away. So I square my shoulders and march back inside. I take the elevator to your floor and I barely think as I walk to your room and sit down.

You stare at me with the eyes that look so much like my own and manage to whisper. "Did your father answer the phone?"

I nod and take your hand in my own. You keep eye contact with me as I grip your hand tighter, you aren't able to squeeze back.

You're in pain. Its because you have cancer.

But all I'm doing is holding your hand. You must be so scared, but I cant even bring myself to say something comforting. I've never been good with words but now that your dieing you'd think I could think of something.

Did I mention you're dieing?

Its still shocking to me. As a kid I never once saw you in pain. You were superwoman in my eyes, invincible. When I grew up I knew you had been through a lot. But you never once let me see it. Because kids are kids, they should be allowed to dream. But I'm not a kid anymore.

Its eleven fifty.

I think I'm about to have an anxiety attack. My thought are running through my head so fast. Yet I'm still so silent.

What if this really is my last few moments with you? Is it really okay to just sit here?

Eleven fifty one.

Your grinning at me. Those emerald eyes are shiny and the dimples on your cheeks are appearing in full force. I want to tell you to stop. You might be using up valuable energy by just smiling at me.

Eleven fifty two.

I'm happy its night time. If it was sunny out it would be mocking us. Telling me that my mother may be dieing but the sun still shines, people are still laughing out past these white walls, and life goes on.

I hate time. It never stops flowing. As you get older it seems like there is less and less of it. No more time to stop and smell the roses. Or in my case, crush them. I've never been really fond of flowers but now I wish I would have spent more time with you in your garden. You know, Shizuru used to get on to me for destroying the garden at the school. She loves flowers, too.

Eleven fifty three.

I'm staring at the clock now. Time is moving so fast, but if I stare at the clock it seems to slow down by a bit.

I realize there's so much I never told you. It didn't seem important before.

"Mom can I.. tell you something?"

You keep smiling and attempt to nod so I continue.

"Do you remember that sparkly blue dress you kept from way back in high school? I'm the one who took it out of your closet. I wore it to a school dance. You see.. Shizuru Fujino isn't just my best friend, mom. That dance was our first date. But I got into a fight with some boys afterwards. That's why I never put it back in your closet. It got ripped and I was to ashamed to return it."

"When you start to go through all my things.. You can have the matching necklace." She paused to catch her breath, her smile disappeared with her effort but the twinkle in her eyes did not. "Its in my memory box hidden under my bed."

I nodded and stared back up at the clock.

Eleven fifty six.

I don't want to go through her things. Not unless she's there with me. But I.. we both know that wont happen.

Suddenly..

"I lied when I told you I read and replied to those letters dad sent me when I was ten."

Everything just started..

"A couple times when I was sixteen I would sneak out after you went to bed to go perv hunting with Nao. I didn't stop until I got injured. Shizuru literally slapped the stupid out of me and patched me back up."

Pouring out of me.

"Remember how once we went to the beach and you saw a scar on my stomach? It wasn't really from me and Mikoto wrestling. I had an accident on my bike but I paid the only witness so he wouldn't report it."

Before I knew it I was rambling. I tried to make all my babbling make sense. You just kept smiling as I said one random thing after another. I just.. I just had to get everything out before..

Before its to late.

Eleven fifty eight.

I close my mouth and stare at the clock again. I feel stupid. None of what I just said really mattered. All that matters is that you'll be gone soon. I'll be left alone. Truly and completely..

Alone.

Eleven fifty nine.

I glance at you and you're still smiling. Still trying to comfort me. Me, of all people. All my life you've been there for me. You raised me. You bought me toys, and food, and Duran, my bike.. You took care of me. You loved me. When no one else did. Even when my own father didn't care. But you were there. You gave and gave some more. While I took without thinking. And now.. I'll never be able to return the favor.

If it wasn't for the fact that hospitals are always quiet I don't think I would have heard you as you whispered out my name. I stop thinking and listen as I stare into your eyes that have lost their twinkle.

"Natsuki.." You manage to choke out as your smile finally fades and I can see the frown lines that have manifested on your face over time. "I love you."

I squeeze your hand in between mine so hard I'm afraid I might break it.

"Mom?" I pause, searching your eyes as they get dimmer by the second. "Mommy?"

You don't respond. I watch as all life is sucked out of your eyes. They are no longer a shiny emerald green. Just a dull, lifeless, forest color.

A part of me hoped against all odds you'd pull through this. That part is now dead and has managed to make the rest of me go numb.

Out of habit I look over at the clock again. I bury my face in your hands as hot tears roll down my cheeks. Soon I give up control and I'm sobbing. Great big retches spill out of my throat and I barely hear the footsteps as a doctor and my father walk into the room.

He calls out the time of death. "Midnight."

I stand up with my shoulders sagging. I glance at the clock one last time before passing by the man who helped create me.

I stumble out into the rain while still in a daze. Then, I allow myself to cry with nature.

I jerk with a start and it takes me a second to remember where I am. I rub my eyes tiredly and look at the clock.

Midnight.

Then it all comes back to me.

Tears run down my face and I bury my face in my pillow. I must have started sobbing because not but a minute later Shizuru is awake and wraps her arms around me. I lean into her embrace and bury my face in her neck. She sings to me softy and it starts to lull me to sleep.

Sometimes, I wish I actually had a chance to grow up with my mother. I wish she never did go over that cliff when I was a little girl. Even if I never would have met the amazing friends in my life or my loving girlfriend. Sometimes, I wish that my dreams were true. Because even if she dies in my dreams, at least I grew up with her love and lived after she died with memories of us together.


End file.
